I don’t know what made me think of this story today but I want to share it with you. At a young age, it taught me that things and people are not always as they seem.

Let me start by telling you that I was a Girl Scout and that means I was a salesperson in training. I am genetically predisposed to have no fear around strangers—my Dad was always in sales and my Mom is preternaturally friendly—so I was eager to get out there and sell the Thin Mints and, the far less interesting, calendars.

Our neighborhood was full of kids who all played together, girls and boys. Summers were full of kick the can, army, hide and seek, bike races and bare feet on soft tar alleys. When I would go pimping for the Girls Scouts, I pretty much knew who I was talking to.

But there was this one house.

There was a little girl who lived there, probably my age, who never played with us. She was…”big boned” and a bit on the pasty side…I doubt her bare feet ever sunk into warm tar alleys. The rare times we saw her outside, we’d ask if she’d want to play, in that universally inclusive way kids have, but she’d tell us to get out of her yard. She was snotty and her face always said “Oh, yea!?”

She lived with a woman who looked to be her Grandma. The Grandma was equally unfriendly and would yell at us any chance she got to get out of her yard and quit making so much noise. I was sure she’d been a witch in a fairy tale.

They were mean, so we steered clear.

Except during calendar or cookie season. Look, I had business to conduct. I was there in a professional capacity, not to play, not to have fun, but to earn my way to camp by promoting a nonprofit and further branding their products on a grass roots level.

It would not have been right to skip this house because of personal issues.

So every year, I would go to their door. Usually, the Grandma would answer as if I were a bill collector, ask me with a scowl what I wanted in a voice my parents only used when I was in trouble. The little girl was usually parked in front of the TV and the room was always darker that it should be.

Now, they were not only mean but weird by my standards.

Every year, I would do go to their door—twice a year, mind you, because, as we all know, cookies and calendars have separate seasons. Every year, I would get yelled at for being a Girl Scout and doing my duty. (Do you see my 3 fingers up in the GS salute? So earnest…)

Let’s skip ahead a couple of years. I am now a mature 6th grader and this is my final year of Girl Scouts because, well… I really can’t be bothered. But, being my final year, I am going to kick it out of the park with this cookie thing. I have a spiel for selling these cookies. I remember the houses that buy and those that waffle, and I go back to those who waffle until they break and SUMBIT TO MY WILL. YOU WILL BUY MY COOKIES. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT.

I’m standing on the sidewalk eyeballing their door. Behind that door stands my nemesis. The WEIRD and MEAN lady who won’t buy my cookies and the equally weird and mean girl who, although she has no buying power, really should like me.

Oh, they are going down.

I knock on the door and the Grandma opens. I’m so confused. She smiling at me like a grandma would. She is patiently waiting for me to speak and not slamming the door in my face and not yelling that she doesn’t want my cookies. In fact, she lets me go on and describe each of the cookies—I am getting to do my best spiel. It’s so confusing that she’s smiling at me. And, yes, she would like to buy 2 boxes, please–which is the number people always would pick when they just wanted to be polite. (Because, friends, they used to be $1 a box…) Smiling and polite. She asks me how school is and if I like being a Girl Scout. We are chatting.

I notice the little girl is not sitting in front of the TV and the room seems bright. We’ve become so friendly that I ask the Grandma where the little girl is. Maybe she’s turned nice, too.

The Grandma looks at me for a minute trying to maintain her smile. “Well, she was sick. She’d been sick for a long time, almost since she was a baby. She had something called leukemia. She died this summer.”

As a child, there is nothing more shocking than to hear that a child has died. Even though I was only 11, I understood that the Grandma wasn’t really mean all those years. She was scared and worried and felt helpless. Possibly resented the fact that I was healthy and freckled and being a Girl Scout. And that little girl—she probably wasn’t mean either. She was sick and scared and mad that she couldn’t just be a kid.

I don’t know what made me think of this. But I remembered it as if I was standing outside of that house in Waterloo, Iowa in 1973, my order sheet in hand.

Sometimes it’s not at all what you think. In all honesty, who tries to find out why someone’s an ass or yells for no reason or scowls in response to neutral words. I know I usually pigeonhole those people into the *asshole* category and remove them from my emotional line of site.

I am not always right. Maybe that’s why this memory found its way to the surface—to remind me to take a little more time before passing judgement.

On my honor, I will try.

Yea, you heard me. This moment–this stinky, metal on metal, fit last season and now it doesn’t moment.

How do you keep yourself up when you feel like you’re in quagmire? We’ve all been there—things change too quickly or unexpectedly, leaving you thinking of happier times and resenting your current situation. I’m an impatient person and sometimes I find myself concentrating on all the negatives, big or small. I want smooth, and oh, there it is and that’s exactly what I was thinking.

But on occasion I get itchy sweaters on a hot, hot day. Turtlenecks. Sharp sticks poking me in the side. General emotional blech.

Here are my suggestions for those moments:

• Take yourself out from under the microscope

Don’t get mad, but you are not the center of the universe. I know, I have to remind myself of this on a regular basis. Focus on something else for 5 minutes. It doesn’t have to be the most significant thing in your day. Write a haiku—5,7,5, remember?

• Do something for someone else

See: “You are not the center of the universe”.
Sometimes, it’s just about changing your focus. Try putting that brilliant spotlight on others for awhile—and use your powers for good, not evil. I pick a random day each week and focus on doing 5 things for someone else—big or small, for friends or strangers. It helps me to put a measurement against it (freak) after dealing in a world where it’s all about deliverables. Everyone wins and I hope it creates a positive ripple in everyone’s day. You know, butterfly wings…

• Change your scenery

Take a little walk, go get a latte, take an overnight trip out of town, go to the gym. There are so many choices and, the best thing is, your voyage doesn’t have to be lengthy or involved to be effective. I don’t know why it works but it always does. It has the same unexplainable curative properties as 7up when you’re sick.

• Be your own best friend

You know exactly what your best friend would say or do at this moment to motivate, cheer, and inspire you. There’s a reason why this person is your best friend. Have your own WWMBFD? –otherwise referred to as “What Would My Best Friend Do?” Allow the horrible carney voice in your head to be turned into a loving, caring voice—even if it’s delivering a bit of tough love. That’s what friends do—just emulate.

• Create your own *Mental Health Moment*

I have a friend I call and the conversation starts, “I need a mental health break.” She understands that distraction is the only thing required. I will take happily take pith at this moment, mental shiny keys jingling before me, solely designed to distract me from the stuck place I currently reside.

Sometimes, friends are busy and we have to practice some old fashioned self soothing. Here are some of my favorite places to visit online to take me away from the moment when I need more than videos of cats doing cute things:

Zen Habits Leo Babauta’s blog on simple productivity in all aspects of our lives. Thought provoking articles with good “How to’s”.
Dooce Heather Armstrong used to be a Mormon, is an author, lives in Utah with her husband, kids and dogs, talks about dealing with depression and is a stitch—you now, same old. She writes about her far from everyday life in an hysterical, honest way.
The Happiness Project Gretchen Rubin is testing all the theories on how to be happy. Good food for thought and she gives you tools to start your own happiness project.
Dreamin The Life Portland blogger who writes about trying, failing and succeeding to live the best life. Funny and true, like you’re talking with a friend.
The Art of Non-Conformity Chris Guillebeau’s blog on not working for the man, travel and living his dreams. One of his goals is to visit every country in the world—he’s currently at 119 out of 197. I gotta get out more…
Totally Unique Thoughts Sign up for your daily message from the Universe. Yes, you heard me. The Universe will send you brilliantly short pep talks to your inbox. It is as effective as a compliment from a stranger. Try it.
FAIL Blog Just people effing up left and right and always in front of a camera. So wonderful. Based here in Seattle—we are almost neighbors.

 

• Visit TED.com

We live in a fascinating world and information is available to us in ways it never has been before…good and bad. Give TED 20 minutes and you can listen to a cool talk on ANYTHING by the person in the world who know the most about it, is probably funny and may even have an accent. You will feel smart after TED, in a MENSA way, I promise.

• Love on an animal

The Stroke Institute found that people who owned cats were 30 percent less likely to suffer a heart attack. (Kind of weird though since they’re the Stroke Institute…) Anyway, when I’m feeling a little out of sorts, I just dig my old cat out from under the bed and force her to hug on me. Very effective.

• Write through it

Sometimes I just need to untangle myself and dissect something that’s bothering me without other’s input. It’s amazing what you can discover when you read your own words and hear your voice, sometimes for the first time.

• And, more than anything…

Remember, that this is a moment in time and that it too will pass. Remind yourself of the last challenge and how you made it through. I know it sounds like a can of corn but tomorrow is another day, full of wonderful and horrible and it is totally up to you on how you focus. You are in control on that pesky voice that tells you, “You can’t. You will fail.”
I believe you can do it.



Now, stop ready FAIL blog and get back to it.

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