by Jill MacGregor

I recently was flying home from the holidays and decided to play a little game with The Universe. Before I got on the plane I made this little request: Have the person sitting next to me teach me something—something about career, writing, relationships, life, myself.

I’ve got 5 hours in 1st class and the liquor will flow—let’s make the most of it.

I got a little excited thinking about the possibilities: maybe I’ll sit next to a successful CEO who will share how he built his company when no one thought he could succeed. Or maybe someone incredibly creative who can tell me how they overcame obstacles to get their craft noticed. Or maybe someone fascinating with a kind and funny way of sharing their life knowledge. I was ready for giant brains, stories that included the phrase “in the face of insurmountable odds”, accents—I wanted a 5 hour master class on life.

So, of course, I got something very different.

I sat next to a very old woman—probably 90+—who was extremely feeble. A gust of wind might have blown her to dust. Now, let me take a moment and say that I’m sure her life story was rich. You don’t live that long without having a few tales to tell. But I think her current life’s focus dealt more on her moment to moment needs—not reliving her past glories. Simple things were the priority—reaching for something on the floor, fastening her seat belt, mobility—these were her have to’s and she worked hard for each of them.

She wasn’t there to regale me with stories.

And she sure needed help. Opening her water, handing her purse or her cane—she was unable to do these things for herself. And these were very easy things for me to do. It just took a second to help her. She was an endless source of gratitude for the simplest gesture—gratitude that only deepened as the flight went on. I was always surprised that she never developed an expectation that I would help her—even though she must have known I would.

It was no burden to help her.

So, The Universe heard my request—a request that actually was a demand since it was coated and sewn through with expectation and requirements. Requirements about what I wanted—not what I needed. Guess I was really asking for dinner and a show not some big life lesson.

Oh, The Universe…doing its bad deli man impression and not giving me exactly what I ordered.

Here’s what The Universe decided to show me.

We all need help

And no one likes to ask for it. It makes us feel weak and vulnerable to have to rely on someone else. But guess what—there is not one among us who doesn’t need help from time to time. Just ask. It’s all going to come out in the wash.

It’s hard to ask for help

But it’s so much easier to accept someone’s help when they offer it outright. And maybe it is a show of strength—not weakness—to ask for help, to let someone in on your vulnerabilities.

This woman would have never asked me to help her—I could tell by her constant apologies for “having bothered me”. But as I continued to offer my help, she became more comfortable with accepting it.

Sometimes your pride or your fear get in the way of letting someone know that you need them—that you couldn’t get it done without them.

Sometimes help comes from surprising sources

Sometimes the person you think you can rely on when you need help—and maybe that person is YOU—is not always the person who will deliver the help you need.

I would have thought that the flight attendant would have been more attentive to this woman’s needs since she had been brought in a wheel chair. No, the flight attendant was surly—great use of my frequent flyer miles—never offered any assistance to this woman the entire flight. I had to flag her down multiple times on the older woman’s behalf. Good job, Delta.

So, it was all me. I’m quite sure this woman got a first class ticket to ensure she would have extra assistance. She just didn’t know it would come from the person sitting next to her.

Sometimes you get what you need, not what you want

My original search for knowledge was a bit more of a request for entertainment. I walked away with a much greater lesson about strength and giving. The kind of strength that says “I need you” and the kind of giving that is fed by its own actions.

Now, don’t you know that’s got me wondering what I’m being readied for…

The more you give, the more you get

I felt good when I got off the plane. I didn’t do anything huge—I still had both my kidneys. But I became someone this woman could rely on even if it was just for 5 hours. And, as you can tell from this post, I’ve been thinking about what happened on that flight for quite awhile.

Just a side thought, maybe I was that person on the plane I  was searching for– the one with the fascinating story, the wisdom to share, the expertise to offer. Think about that next time you look outside for the answers you need.

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by Jill MacGregor

Look at you with your capable self. The years have taught you quite a bit. You get it. Your story is one of determination, make me and forging a path without a map.

At least, that’s how others look at it.

You glance back over your shoulder with a shrug and a nod, acknowledging something you may not have a name for, but clearly understanding that it is yours. It’s so easy to forget all that others would find valuable—you’ve spent years taking it for granted.

Experience is a wonderful thing. The years of knowledge provide us with a bit of sense memory; guiding us on how to respond, what to expect, what is a red flag, what is surprising. We rarely question ourselves before acting—we just know. We’ve developed instincts.

Remember when you were just learning? When it was all new, rather confusing and there was a permanent question mark over your head. Everything felt like a discovery. Small tasks felt like challenges—but at the same time, you felt like a champion ALL THE TIME for accomplishing even the smallest thing.

Because it was all new.

You were surrounded by all things foreign and that kept you on your toes, your eyes open wide. You took nothing for granted.

But do you know what is easy to take for granted? The huge gap of time and experience that marks the place where you started and the place where you find yourself now. Your experiences are so unique, even if you’ve forgotten. Your stories make people lean in even if you think they might sound tedious and predictable.

Where you are today –well, that’s a wonderful thing and you’ve worked hard to get here. That holds true even if what you’re doing feels like it’s still a learning experience.

The most interesting and important thing about where you are today–everything that has led you to this moment– is how you got here. Your journey is an interesting one, your missteps are lessons to be shared, your hard fought and hard won accomplishments are inspirations.

Stop shaking your head—I’m right.

There’s so much more to be learned from your trek up the mountain than your actions on the summit. The ascent is the story—not necessarily where you plant your flag.

Don’t keep your light under a bushel.

If you like this post, you might also like Daring Acts—How To Work Without A Net.

Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!

by Jill MacGregor

“Tell me what you want.”

How often does someone ask you this? I bet it’s not very frequently. More importantly, how often do you ask yourself?

“Tell me what you want.”

I was going to call this post “What I Learned Rebooking My Airline Ticket After Breaking My Wrist” but “Splitting the Atom” seemed more concise. When I broke my wrist, it forced me to miss an important flight home to visit family. I would love to tell you I broke it doing something heroic or physically challenging but it was simply a misstep. I tripped on the stairs and just ended up all wrong on my tiny little wrist.

I am of the school that all things happen for a reason, so here’s a little story of knowledge gained.

Take this also as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of purchasing a ticket on different carriers. You may already see were this is going. I bought my ticket through hotwire.com—the departure was through Delta and the return was through American. Herein lies the rub… because as I found out, it only takes 4 hours to rebook your ticket if you do it this way. grrr

Stay with me.

So, for 4 hours Delta told me to call America and tell them that they said this…and American told me to just call Delta and tell them that they had said the exact opposite. And this was up through the supervisory level.

I just wanted to get on the same flight the next day and go see my folks without paying an additional $1,000. It didn’t feel like a huge request. But it was.

It got to the point where I was just desperate to get on a plane. I was even settling for a horrible red eye that would allow me tours of the Salt Lake and Dallas airports, sitting in Dallas from 3am-6am, where I would undoubtedly weep like a tired 3 year old who’d missed their nap and cradle my wrist in pain—spending the 1st two days of my vacation in a tired haze.

Are you starting to feel it with me? I was frustrated, had completely lost sight of what I wanted to do because of the endless obstacles and was being further derailed by the pain in my wrist. The goal had gone from *reschedule the flight for the next day * to a desperate *get on a plane, any plane, even if you have to stop in 12 cities along the way–and try not to give up*.

I felt beaten. I thought this was going to be so simple and both sides where convincing me that this was an impossible request.

My final call happened to be with a supervisor who had also been a nurse…I’m quite sure she heard the pain and frustration in my voice in a way that others had not.

She asked me very matter of factly, “What do you want me to do? You have to tell me what you want.”

I hesitated. I was so fried. I’d spent hours telling people what I wanted and I started to feel like…I don’t’ know…like I didn’t deserve it or it was just too big of an ask.

I hesitated. “I just want to get home. But not on a red eye.”

“You have to tell me what you want exactly. I can’t get it for you unless you tell me what you want.”

Where do I start? Never to have tripped up the stairs and broken my wrist. To be sitting in Dallas and waiting for my connection with a cocktail in my hand. To have my 4 wasted hours back.

“You have to tell me what you want,” she repeated patiently.

Not what I need. Not what I deserve. What I WANT.

Perhaps the pain had made me a little wonky, because I suddenly felt like I was in a much bigger conversation and that the question was coming from a much larger source.

”I want to leave tomorrow on the same flight,” I said. And she made it happen. I felt strangely mad with power. I asked, I got.

Tell me what you want.

It’s easy to leave the specifics to chance…to see how randomness might fill in the blanks…implying that maybe you wouldn’t do such a great job at answering that all important question—Tell me what you want. Sometimes we feel a little beaten by circumstances, making us feel like we don’t deserve what we so dearly want. We get a little vague on our responses. The more we firm up exactly what we want—without shyness, without establishing unnecessary criteria like *do I deserve It?*, the clearer our paths become.

Think of yourself as an athlete who has trained your entire life to be where you are today. All of your hopes need to be firmly locked in the starting position with a clear vision of the race that is to be run before the gun ever sounds.

Everything you’ve done has prepared you for this moment—you are built to win. Part of your training is to see yourself winning—before the competition has even begun. See yourself being the strongest, hitting the milestones, feeling what that feels like to grab your prize.

You have to tell me what it is you want.

I would like an interesting job that pays well and lets me master new & exciting skills.

Tell me what you want.

I would like build an ever growing tribe through my writing.

Tell me what you want.

I would like to be surrounded by fascinating people who mentor me.

Tell me what you want.

Your turn.

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Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!

By Jill MacGregor

Life is a personal quest that can set you on the path to slay dragons and monsters, find your holy grail or discover a way to float in the goodness of everything that surrounds you. Many times you find yourself with the same question marks above your heads: what is the next path to take, who should be at your side, will you succeed?

Sometimes, you just stand there, waiting, immobile until all answers come to you. Mistakes are messy, you think. What if you do the wrong thing?

But there really are no mistakes. Everything has led you to this moment. You are the machine that is uniquely designed to accomplish this task—yes, even if you’re not quite sure what *it * will ultimately be.

Maybe you should treat these new things as if you were starting a race. The gun goes off and your primary action is to get out of the gate fast. Let’s face it, you’ve trained for this. You’re in the race for a reason. But no one ever wins the race without taking the first step.

Ask yourself these questions while you’re waiting in the block for the starting gun. And, for fun, jot down the answers.

1. What are you compelled to do? Couldn’t stop if you wanted to and it goes beyond mentioning that you have no inclination of ever stopping. One on the reasons: you’re good at it. When you are doing this thing, it feels easy and it all makes sense—because this may be the thing you were made to do.

2. What is the thing you love so much you could stop if you had to? You have *this thing* and if someone took it from you, you would hissy and stomp until you got it back—what is that thing you have to do? Try not to figure out how it becomes a career or is monetized—just identify.

3. What grabs your attention in a way it doesn’t grab others? We all have those unusual things, our little tweeks— we notice that others don’t seem to, details that stand out differently to you than the rest of the crowd. You have an eye for it. You see the special, even if, when you reflect, it may make you feel like you have a teeny tiny case of OCD. Make a note of it.

4. What would you do even if no one paid you for it? You love it so much, you’d do it for free. You’d keep doing it if no one ever saw it, no one ever read it, touched it —or loved it. You love and appreciate it so much, so ridiculously, that it is its own reward.

Take a look at what you wrote down. These are clues, Nancy Drew. Put this somewhere you will see regularly, and watch what starts to come up.

You know, others are cheering for you. You aren’t the only one who wants to see you cross the finish line first. You have a fan club, a quiet group of people who are perched on the edge of their seats just waiting to see your next move.

There are a lot of people who think you’re going to win, you’re going to find it and you’re going to make it yours.

by Jill MacGregor

People have an idea of who you are and what you’ll accomplish.

They’re not always right. Sometimes they miss the mark and coat you in a secret sauce of not quite enough. They can miss the power that runs your engine because you don’t wear your determination like a smile for all to see. How often we allow others limited point of view to control how far we go with our plans and dreams?
It’s time to shake it off.

You know what it feels like to have people believe in you and be 100% in your corner. It makes you feel strong, fortified. It’s the whisper in your ear that tells you “You can do it” when you feel like you are failing. Those people and their belief in you can become the cheerleaders in your head when things aren’t going your way. If you know how right it feels to be supported, why, oh, why do you believe others who don’t see your full potential?

And what is it about these people? You don’t give everyone the power—just certain people– some that you trust more than anyone, others that you don’t care for at all. Amazing. Still you allow the negativity to seep in and limit you.

Why would you choose to lean in for the punch when the choice is completely yours to dodge it? But you close eyes, smile and point to the weakest point on your chin so they will know where to land the punch and do the most damage.

And it builds. Your submission, your passivity, your acceptance, your inability—bit by bit, their red mixes with your blue and before you know it, you forget that everything wasn’t always purple.

Breaking patterns starts with a choice. It doesn’t mean you’ll change things overnight, but it does mean that you are beginning to change.

Ask for what you want

Clearly state what you want whether you think you deserve it or not. Better yet, say it especially because you think you don’t deserve it. Grab it. Run, screaming “mine, mine, mine!!”. This is also the perfect moment to turn around and shake it in the face of the person who said you couldn’t, said you would never, said it was there’s not yours—the person who clouded your judgment and made you forget that you could do anything.

Because you can do anything.

You make a difference

When you decide to embrace certain opinions that people have about you, embrace the positive opinions. You could, oh, I don’t know, just decide to focus on the positive instead of wrapping your arms so tightly around the negative. Do you need a reason? Remember the importance you hold in people’s lives. There is a ripple effect that starts with your words and actions, they kindnesses that you’re not even aware that you offer up. It’s all very important. That ripple makes a wave that touches others and leaves your wake on their shore. You don’t get to witness everyone you touch, with your words and your actions, but it happens none the less.

Get beyond the expected

How do you move past what others expect of you and become superlative? It’s so easy to pause as your back is getting patted, soak in the moment and just stay there. Stop dead in your tracks. Or you fatigue, tell yourself you’ve reached the point you were aiming even if it’s not the case, because you were shooting for ACHIEVMENT.

Your dream has a destination. You chose it before you started on this path. Don’t short yourself.

by Jill MacGregor

We all have hopes and dreams—goals we’re working towards—projects we’re passionate about. These things light our fire, fuel us and often times become a part of our identity.

I just want to check—when you think of yourself working on the projects you’re most passionate about, do you feel like you’re a champion? Are you giving yourself the credit you deserve for the progress you’ve made?

Do you give yourself room to win?

Because, I tell you, it has to start with you. You shoot the gun, you run the race and you call the finish. One day there’s going to be a jackass in front of you telling you that they don’t get it, they don’t like it, they don’t understand why you’re bothering or will offer you the flimsy most deficient of praises for your efforts.

(You’re picturing that person’s face, aren’t you? Yea, me too.)

Don’t let them win.

There is one person who can keep the fires burning and that person is you. It may feel exhausting sometimes but it’s good to know who’s in charge of making your dreams a reality (that’s you). No one is going to do it for you. Stop waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting. Its all you, my friend. You are the director, the lead and the stage hand. If you assign any of these roles to other people, what are you going to end up with? (asked the control freak.)

People love you, people want to see you succeed but you are the only person so closely tied to the outcome of making your dreams come true. That will never be as important to others as it will be to you—no matter how much they love you.

No one’s going to make your dream happen for you.

So let’s play a little game with my theatre analogy and see how you’re progressing. In my mind, champions play all these roles.

You, as the director

You call the shots. A good director pushes because he sees the future performance; he knows what the end product needs to look like. A good director is always looking for a way to make it better. And you’re a good director because you can read the room; you understand what people need before they do. You might think this all sounds like clever manipulation but I call it close observation, attention to what is not said just as much as to what is said. Leading the action. Stating what you want until you get it. Being appreciative when you do get it or even something better than you’d expected.

Are you doing that? Who would possibly do that for you—and if anyone is, why are you letting them? This production is yours.

You, as the stage hand

So many details keep the machine running. So many people rely on you moving invisibly behind the stage. Everything has to be in its place and hit its own mark for the production to be believable and hold the audience’s attention. But every rehearsal has prepared you for this performance—as you’ve developed the muscle memory to multi-task you way through most anything. And become agile enough to make due when something isn’t exactly in place.
You are the glue that keeps everything together.

You, as the lead

Insecure, with a definite need for constant praise, you are at your best and shiniest, when you feel the pressure may crack you. You’re quite certain that this is the one time they are all going to finally discover that you are a big fake, a giant imposter and that all previous good fortune was happenstance. Just dumb luck. Right place, right time.

But then you’re on the stage and all that insecurity drops away because you are the presence. You breathe life into all you do. Do you know why? Because all your former roles have prepared you for this moment even if deep down in the clutch of your gut your scared and unsure if you can do it. But ego and desire drove you up on this stage, that and something you can’t quite name, something like passion but even bigger, so chest out. Chin up and find your light. You know you could never stop even if you wanted to.

You are what people came to see.

That may sound like a lot of work for one person but the production is you and no one’s going to care for it with the same level of dedication as you will.

YOU.

Sure, we all need help from time to time. But it’s the moments when we’ve given our power away, when we’ve started to coast—those are the moments when we realize our dream is becoming a speck in the distance because we are moving away from it.

What makes people champions? When the taxonomy is our own, the definitions are our own why would we allow others opinions to gauge if we’ve been successful?

You could say someone is a champion when they achieve their dreams. But there’s a whole lot that goes on until you reach that moment. So I say a champion is someone who doesn’t give up, doesn’t sit back and let someone drive and stays in the game even when it feels like their passion has become its own reward.

Champions rarely look neat and clean. They often look slightly bruised, bloody and battle worn with a big smile on their face, arms raised and yelling, “Yes!”.

It’s the time of year when we’re thinking about what to give people in our lives and also what we’d like to get ourselves. I have an unfortunate holiday shopping practice: one for them, one for me, one for them, one for me.

Think of the list you’ve made for yourself over the years—all of the tangible and intangible things you feel would make you happy if only they were yours. It’s easy to spend a lot of time wishing for what’s on that list without making plans for what you’ll do once you get it.

There’s something on the other side of getting. It’s doing. How will things change when you get what you want—really think about it. What would you do differently if you had those things? There’s one thing that probably won’t change and that’s you. Because you are the same you on either side of the equation.

Of course, there are certain things that we wish for that do make an instant difference like a healing, a baby, money, for example. These are gifts that can transform us and the situations we find ourselves in. Maybe you want those things and haven’t received them yet—what would happen if you lived your life as if you had? Because I am wondering what would happen if you started living your life as if you’d already received those things you wanted. Live your life as if you’d been healed. Give love to others as if you were a mother or a father. Feel as if you always have more than enough and sharing is second nature. Enact the transformation regardless.

I’ve said it before—emulate. What actions are suspended while you stand on the shore squinting in the sun in hopes of seeing your ship on the horizon? Think about yourself waiting on the shore–So much is on hold while you wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Waiting is not an action.

Update your list. Think about how you will implement your gifts. This can be the year things happen and you need to be ready.

Be the gift you wish you would be given.

It’s just corny enough during this time of the year to grab onto to thoughts like these and put them into action. Some things just seem more plausible when children are busy believing in Santa Claus and adults are busy playing along.