by Jill MacGregor
We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
There are points in your life when you want things to be different and you feel like you don’t get much say in the matter.
The all consuming desire for that which eludes you…how can you get everything you’re burning for?
Sometimes when you want something, you begin your negations with the Universe—letting it know how you’d like it and when—just so there’s no confusion.
My list may need some work…
I was having dinner a couple of months ago with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen for years. Caroline is just one of those wonderful people I had an instant connection with and it has lived a long and happy life regardless of how infrequently we see each other.
We were catching up and I concluded my paragraph with, “So, I’ve experienced some disappointments.”
She looked at me, wine glass in hand, and snort laughed at me.
Snort laughed, people!
And then I got it. I looked at her with a big smile, repeating very seriously, “I have experienced some disappointments.” I batted my eyelashes and tossed my hair for effect.
My turn to snort laugh.
We both laughed—and snorted. Because it was funny what I said. There was a giant chunk of great wonderful perfect events/people glued on the front end of my catching her up on me, but for some reason I allowed my disappointments to be the summary for all the wonderful that had gone on prior.
And since she was standing on her side of the fence looking at my very green grass, she could not help but laugh at me.
And because I was on my side of the fence looking at her lush and lovely green grass; I was positive that she knew what she was talking about.
Alright, snorting about.
Why was I focusing on the things that didn’t go the way I wanted?
In retrospect, the things that I thought were disappointments turned out to be big blessings. I’m so relieved they did not go out the way I had originally hoped. I would have been forced to trade my happiness for struggle, if they had. This would not be the first time (nor last, I imagine) that I have been shown that I didn’t know everything.
You may be making a mental list of your current discord: relationships that are in flux, career at a crossroads, creative process that should produce more, stalled projects, short sheeted on prosperity. You’ve got your yardstick and as you measure every inch of your life, you notice that things are not where they’re supposed to be.
So say you.
Are you feeling dissatisfied?
You may feel like you’d never before had so many important things that are undecided…which may or may not be true, but the feeling is overwhelming. So many things fighting to change, working to change. And regardless of how you push, twist, shove, pound or cram your round pegs they are not going into those square holes.
Unclench your fists for a moment. Relax your shoulders—they are far too close to your ears. Take a deep breath. Think of 3 wonderful things in your life—those people that love you, that cool thing you did, all of those answers you had at the right moment.
You could easily come up with more than three, right? You, lucky bastard, you.
Put aside the memories of foot stamping, fist shaking, teeth gritting moments—focusing on that is not going to help you. There is nothing naïve about lining up your site with all of the positive in your life and breathing that in for a change. It doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the problems. It just means you’re filling your tank so that you can make it to the other side.
You’re sitting in a large theatre alone and waiting with breathless anticipation for the curtain to draw back and the performance to begin. Feel the nervous excitement of something big about to begin. Know that you are far more than an observer as you sit and wait for the show to start. All those people who are waiting for their cues backstage–you’ve brought them all together. You put the players in position. This show is finally staged, blocked, choreographed and ready for the world.
Very soon a performance will begin that will take your breath away in ways you couldn’t image.