by Jill MacGregor
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
– Unknown
Painful things have happened to us all. Sometimes a random thought of the painful occurrence is like getting a sharp whiff of ammonia—you wince, you remember, you feel it in your throat. Getting over the pain in your life can be hard. But, really, so is your PAIN so I bet you are up to the challenge.
Today’s the day.
Think about what you are ready to have stop.
You know what it is, the point(s) of pain in your life. It may be some rotting corpse you refuse to bury but insist on continually dragging around and showing to others. Please, look at my pain. I’m not saying your pain isn’t significant. But sometimes you can make your pain precious. Always saving a seat for it… Treating your pain as if it holds some value—as if it were happiness or love or achievement.
Make this the day. And as artificial as it may feel the first time, say out loud, “Today I am letting go of your pain here.” And this very often may need to be followed by “Today I forgive your villain here.” You may call out your own name here—find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this.
Say this every day until you believe it. Expecting instant results is not realistic. Just be consistent.
Become sensitized to what is wrong.
Now that you’ve identified the pain that needs to stop, really look at it. Roll it around and identify why it’s not helpful, how its keeping you from being your best self. Look at its ugly parts closely. You want to be able to recognize it if it ever shows up again because it was a life lesson. It just doesn’t need to be the cross you bear or the sin you can’t forgive. Shed it.
What are you really letting go of?
Do you allow this pain to identify you—but in a very negative way? Some pains in our past stay with us to make us feel stronger, to remind us how we survived. Some pains stay with us to make us cower, to limit us. Letting go of old pains that only keep you down will feel as good as cleaning out your closet, finding your favorite sweater that you thought you’d lost and having someone else take ALL the bags to Goodwill.
Think about that one for a minute.
What can you do to heal this pain?
The answer is sometimes, “The opposite of what you have been doing.” I bet your pain has made you feel isolated even if you are spending time with people. You’re probably not sharing anything BUT your pain with these people. Remember the you they originally met? The one who laughed and smiled and thought of others? Because, here’s the hard part and you’re not going to want to hear it—your pain has made you selfish. It’s all about you and honestly no one really likes this guest of yours who has stayed at the party way too long.
You need a jolt – something to get you back to yourself. You need to start doing for others. Volunteer. If that feels like too much right now, at least try to do 3 selfless things for others every day. Open a door. Buy someone a coffee. Look a stranger in the eye and say hi. Start small but don’t fall behind. This will help.
Make new memories.
Sure, a location can represent a painful experience for you. You can layer that place in all sorts of pain—erasing any kind of positive feeling you once had for it. Or you can take control. It may feel uncomfortable at first because you are still awash in all of the ick that happened before. Its time to reclaim the place you banished—take a friend with you and create a new baseline for memories. Make this your starting point. This memory—not the old, painful ones. It may take a couple of attempts but you’ll be so surprised at how this gives you back your power.
It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.
–Helen Keller
