The Confidence Game

by Jill MacGregor

Newness. Walking into a cold room. Change. Proving yourself to new people. These things will never go away. How do you boost your self confidence in new situations when you may not know the lay of the land or the people that inhabit it? How to you convince yourself that you are comfortable, at ease and happy to be wading waist deep in these unknown waters?

Whenever my mom dropped me off at a new school for the first time, she would offer me this advice—Look people in the eye and smile pretty.

This may have to be adapted if you’re a guy. Sorry, I don’t know what she’d tell my brothers.

Bunko, con, flim flam, gaffle, grift, hustle, scam, scheme, swindle, bamboozle—oh yea, that’s what I’m talking.

There’s one person we have to fool. And it’s you.

Here we go. I’m sorry but the reason we have to fool you is because you won’t listen to reason. Look, I could remind you that you are capable, equipped to deal with all new situations. You with your scared bunny face. We obviously have to take a different route with you.

We’re going to have to pull a short con on you.

No need to whip out the big tricks—this doesn’t require the energies of a hardcore long con. This is the short con—and you will play all roles—you are the grifter and the mark. (It’s your own fault) Let the manipulation begin!

I have to say, I’ve seen your work and I’m impressed. It’s amazing–the long and short cons you’ve pulled. I am amazed by all you’ve convinced your poor mark to believe. I’m sure of your skill, seeing some of the cleverness — famous hustles like: “Now They Know I’m an Imposter”, “All My Success Has Been an Accident” and “I Peaked Early…It’s Downhill From Here”. It always amazes me what your mark will buy even though in their gut they know they are being sold a bill of goods and that the con flies in the face of logic.

The mark of a good con is playing your role consistently and with conviction. Here are some famous short cons for making your mark feel like they are on top of it and they can accomplish anything in any new situation.

Con #1

Convince the mark to act the way they want to feel. This is a great way to ingratiate yourself with the mark and get them to believe that you can help them in their new situation. And, it always works! Persuade the mark to create in their mind how they would ideally like to feel/be/be seen in their new situation. Get them to identify 3 descriptions—maybe it would be: to feel talented, self confident and comfortable in this new situation. Convince the mark to begin acting as if they were talented, self confident and comfortable—the opposite of how they actually feel. They will fight you. It will sound too simple.

Remind them that they can trust you and to just give it a try. Tell them to act confidently. Act comfortable. Act as if they understand they are talented. Convince the mark that once they start acting this way—even if it feels like a lie–people will begin responding to them in like and they will in turn pick up on that—and the circle is complete. Mirrors facing mirrors, reflecting infinitely.

Con #2

Posing as a wealthy Nigerian businessman, remind the mark of what their best friend would tell them at that moment of starting something new. This scam is known as the Best Friend Pep Talk. You will be playing on the fact that the mark knows their best friend so well that, even when absent, they know what their best friend would tell them—this seems to be a voice that is always present in the mark’s head. If your mark is playing it hard, you may have to bring in said shill and actually get the best friend on the phone. Best part of this con: The Best Friend Pep Talk works whether you’ve got the best friend on the line or not.

Con #3

Convince the mark that items of clothing hold special powers, making difficult situations easier. That these powers are then attributed to the wearer—otherwise known as the Dress the Part con. Share your “special secrets” surrounding the power of wearing your favorite color or sharpest outfit. Push the fact that lucky underwear is not a myth. Let them in on the strength of a new lipstick.

Con #4

Tell the mark you are a Chinese art student and con them into creating an exterior of confidence as they enter the new and possibly uncomfortable situation, even if it feels like a flimsy façade to them, ie: tell them to make strong eye contact, use their friendly voice and try smiling. Tell the mark that you’ve heard and even seen for yourself that people respond positively to these actions. The important thing is to convince the mark that what they put out is reflected back and that we are all mirrors of those around us.

Works great in combination with Con #1, Act the Way You Want to Feel.

Con #5

Feed the mark information surrounding the sometimes frightening nature of new situations. Pepper your con with the It’s Normal to feel Nervous and Every New Situation is a Challenge/Lesson scams –gain their confidence through understanding. Remind the mark that they rock for showing up and for doing everything they did to get them to this point. Don’t worry about sounding corny. Your mark is vulnerable. They want to believe. Think of it as a kindness.

The beauty? These cons work powerfully together—mix and match—and craft the perfect short con for making that mark feel like they can conquer the world.

It will be easier than you think. I know a clean mark when I see one.

Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!