The Pieces of Us

by Jill MacGregor

Today you are you, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is youer than you.

Dr. Suess

I have never lost the understanding I had as a 2 year old little girl that mommy and daddy would always love me no matter what…I carry it with me, whether I’m aware of it or not. It grants me freedoms, real or imagined, as I walk into new situations and meet new people. I realize that I’m lucky in that regard because not everyone has had that level of acceptance from the people who matter most—I recognize that. And there have been many times when I have pushed its limits. If I wasn’t breaking the rules I somehow had the look about me that I was. Perhaps this is always the fate of the eldest child…

We all have people in our lives who have given us the permission to be ourselves. And I now talking about those people outside of our families—people who have no predetermined investment in each of us becoming the best version of ourselves. Why do some people make more of an impact than others?

I say *bless you* when strangers sneeze. Just under my breath. I might interrupt myself if I’m talking.

I’m compelled to tuck in people’s collar tags when they’re poking out—whether I know them or not.

I correct people’s grammar in my head without realizing it. Like right now…I’m probably changing your adjective into an adverb. Just doing my part.

I feel guilty if I don’t give the homeless guy a dollar—even if he’s really drunk.

These aren’t big things. They are very little things that begin to construct the fabric of who I am. Thread by thread, these behaviors weave together picking up thicker, stronger threads more significant colors as they go, to create a recognizable pattern, solid edges that won’t fray. The little things (and some of the big things) that I do were not taught to me by my family but they are remnants of my interactions with people throughout the years–the teachers that noticed, the friends that modeled behavior for me to follow…or to avoid. All those ripples that hit my shore–they made a difference– regardless if the one throwing the rock from shore ever witnessed it or not.

Those people exist for each of us. They had a hand making us who we’ve become through their influence, their kindness, their interest in us. Sometimes our contact with these people felt random and is short lived—but that doesn’t lessen the impact they may have in our lives. Other times, their influence can be far more deliberate and meaningful, lasting for decades.

How did these people mind map me into the unusual piece of science fiction that I am today? When we think of the influential people in our lives, do we have similar themes?

The teacher who thought you were special.

The first person who shared with you the ingredients of friendship and changed every friendship you had from that point on.

The first asshole who didn’t believe in you and taught you to love the sound of, “Watch me.”

The stranger who asked illuminating questions that got you thinking about things in a new way…and then promptly vanished.

The first bully—because he taught you that bullies are just cowards with clenched fists and people are much easier to handle once you understand that they are afraid.

The first person who taught you to value the beauty of simplicity and affected your appreciation of the quiet little things and the importance they carry.

These influencers probably had no idea of how they would change us. They might even be shocked to hear that they could affect that kind of change. You would shake your head in disbelief that they could miss such an important component of who they are. It’s amazing that they could miss that.

Just like you might do if someone delivered the message to you, of how your actions, your words, your example has changed their life. Think about it. Every day. You can be a powerful tool or a dangerous weapon—and you get to pick.

Want More? Take a look at these posts:
What Makes People Mean
Saying the Words

I would love to hear your thoughts—do leave a comment!