the wisdom Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.
Osho
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by Jill MacGregor
Now, who’s a pessimist? I understand. Life can throw curve balls and sometimes it feels like you’ve caught the ball in the head one too many times. I get it. But you know, those are just moments and life is also full of other moments—good ones—and sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of all that good and just focus on the bad and the ugly.
Oh, look. I made you a little list— for the moments when you need a some reminding that everything’s going to be okay and that its truly fabulous to be you.
- 1. You are so loved. And that makes you a giant. And that love will keep you from ever being alone even if you are feeling like a tiny island in a vast sea surrounded by nothing by horizon.
- 2. You are made to heal. Break, repair, grow…and repeat.
- 3. You are capable of the most remarkable things. Others see it in you all the time. In fact, they’ve come to expect in you. Its time you started believing it, too.
- 4. You get what you give—so give what you need. I mean, really, what if you just tried this approach as an experiment. Think of how your expression would change, the tone of your voice, the words you would choose.
- 5. Every day is an opportunity to start over. So if you find yourself in a place where you feel you’ve made mistakes that are so egregious that you are smacking your forehead like you’re in a V-8 commercial, you need to remember that your prison is your own making. Every day is a chance to make things right, to heal a wound—and it may be your own—to take all the screeching monkeys off your shoulders and start clean and fresh. Make amends. Give yourself a do-over. Give others the same opportunity.
- 6. There is an inexplicable power in kindness. Like 7up when you’re barfing, kindness has a curative property that I can’t quite explain. It softens all hard edges, it takes the sting out of every bite, it builds confidence in all of us at our weakest moments. When your actions are fueled by kindness, you are telling others (and yourself) that there is nothing to criticize and caution is not necessary because all words will be heard. Practice kindness regularly and receive it often.
- 7. Everything you do is important —and if you don’t think it is, then try harder. Don’t stop until you’ve convinced yourself…everyone else is already buying what you’re selling.
- 8. You get to pick. There is always a choice. Sometimes it’s not your first choice, sometimes it’s the choice of handling a difficult situation with grace instead of like a bull in a china shop, to forgive someone instead of holding a grudge, to look a little deeper and gather some understanding instead of lashing out. Whatever it is—it’s all you.
- 9. Things rarely end—they just change. Your feelings of loss—trust me, I understand how that feels like it is fueled by endings. But, is it really loss you’re experiencing or the newness of change. Try to move with the changes and start to notice the new things, people, emotions that are filling what once felt like a void.
- 10. Life is rich. Even if you’re not. I know the whole simple pleasures thing sounds corny but think how you are replenished by a sunny day, time spent with family and friends, giving of your time. It’s all the things that you can’t put a price on that make you so very wealthy.
- 11. Others see your beauty even if you can’t. Maybe you should start using other’s eyes. When others give you compliments, really try to hear what they’ve said. There’s a lot of truth in their words that you may be ignoring.
- 12. Chaos and Fear are your friends—not your enemies. They are keeping you on your toes, keeping your mind nimble and preparing you for what’s around the corner. Think of Chaos and Fear as your kung fu masters, you ninja, you.
- 13. Everything that has ever hurt you was really designed to teach you. Sometimes it takes awhile to receive the lesson. Try to be patient with the process.
- 14. If you are starting at hard, you are starting at the wrong place. So, honey, unhitch that horse and just let it walk on its own. Locate natural and try to start there. It’s not cheating.
- 15. The little things rock. Sure, grand gestures are, well, grand. But your gestures don’t always have to be earth shattering to have a big impact. The little things you do for others—and, yes, you do them even if nothing’s coming to mind—are full of sweetness. These actions tell people that you are thinking of them when they’re not around and tell strangers that you realize the universe doesn’t center solely around you.
- 16. Your words and actions can change the world. So use your powers for good, my friend. And don’t skimp.
- 17. You will never use up your chances for happiness. Happiness is the wellspring that will always be fed and there is no limit to how many times you get to fill your cup.
- 18. You are surrounded by things designed to make you feel better. Wine is good. Beer is cold. Fires are cozy. The sound of water is relaxing. Coffee is strong. Flowers smell good. Cats purr. Chocolate is delicious. Spices smell like faraway lands. I could go on but I hope you see what I’m saying. It’s all there for you.
If you liked this, you may also want to read 35 Shots of Truth.
by Jill MacGregor
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
– Unknown
Painful things have happened to us all. Sometimes a random thought of the painful occurrence is like getting a sharp whiff of ammonia—you wince, you remember, you feel it in your throat. Getting over the pain in your life can be hard. But, really, so is your PAIN so I bet you are up to the challenge.
Today’s the day.
Think about what you are ready to have stop.
You know what it is, the point(s) of pain in your life. It may be some rotting corpse you refuse to bury but insist on continually dragging around and showing to others. Please, look at my pain. I’m not saying your pain isn’t significant. But sometimes you can make your pain precious. Always saving a seat for it… Treating your pain as if it holds some value—as if it were happiness or love or achievement.
Make this the day. And as artificial as it may feel the first time, say out loud, “Today I am letting go of your pain here.” And this very often may need to be followed by “Today I forgive your villain here.” You may call out your own name here—find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this.
Say this every day until you believe it. Expecting instant results is not realistic. Just be consistent.
Become sensitized to what is wrong.
Now that you’ve identified the pain that needs to stop, really look at it. Roll it around and identify why it’s not helpful, how its keeping you from being your best self. Look at its ugly parts closely. You want to be able to recognize it if it ever shows up again because it was a life lesson. It just doesn’t need to be the cross you bear or the sin you can’t forgive. Shed it.
What are you really letting go of?
Do you allow this pain to identify you—but in a very negative way? Some pains in our past stay with us to make us feel stronger, to remind us how we survived. Some pains stay with us to make us cower, to limit us. Letting go of old pains that only keep you down will feel as good as cleaning out your closet, finding your favorite sweater that you thought you’d lost and having someone else take ALL the bags to Goodwill.
Think about that one for a minute.
What can you do to heal this pain?
The answer is sometimes, “The opposite of what you have been doing.” I bet your pain has made you feel isolated even if you are spending time with people. You’re probably not sharing anything BUT your pain with these people. Remember the you they originally met? The one who laughed and smiled and thought of others? Because, here’s the hard part and you’re not going to want to hear it—your pain has made you selfish. It’s all about you and honestly no one really likes this guest of yours who has stayed at the party way too long.
You need a jolt – something to get you back to yourself. You need to start doing for others. Volunteer. If that feels like too much right now, at least try to do 3 selfless things for others every day. Open a door. Buy someone a coffee. Look a stranger in the eye and say hi. Start small but don’t fall behind. This will help.
Make new memories.
Sure, a location can represent a painful experience for you. You can layer that place in all sorts of pain—erasing any kind of positive feeling you once had for it. Or you can take control. It may feel uncomfortable at first because you are still awash in all of the ick that happened before. Its time to reclaim the place you banished—take a friend with you and create a new baseline for memories. Make this your starting point. This memory—not the old, painful ones. It may take a couple of attempts but you’ll be so surprised at how this gives you back your power.
It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.
–Helen Keller
If you liked this post you may also like Knowing When To Say When.
It’s almost an agent of change’s 1 year anniversary—w00t!!—and I wanted to give everyone a big thank you for reading! It really means a lot to me that you take the time.
So, let’s do something new, shall we? I’m going to start a free an agent of change Newsletter and I’d be tickled if you signed up for it. You can find the sign up on the right side bar on my home page—if you’re a subscriber, follow this link.
The free Newsletter will, of course, still be about change and how we deal with it—but I’ll be incorporating new things, new resources that you won’t find on the blog. It will be full of more, MORE, MORE to make you the most nimble, head fakin’ change agent around! You’re going to dig it.
Thanks for your support and I can’t wait to have another year with you!
Best to you,
Jill, Purported agent of change
by Jill MacGregor
Look at you with your capable self. The years have taught you quite a bit. You get it. Your story is one of determination, make me and forging a path without a map.
At least, that’s how others look at it.
You glance back over your shoulder with a shrug and a nod, acknowledging something you may not have a name for, but clearly understanding that it is yours. It’s so easy to forget all that others would find valuable—you’ve spent years taking it for granted.
Experience is a wonderful thing. The years of knowledge provide us with a bit of sense memory; guiding us on how to respond, what to expect, what is a red flag, what is surprising. We rarely question ourselves before acting—we just know. We’ve developed instincts.
Remember when you were just learning? When it was all new, rather confusing and there was a permanent question mark over your head. Everything felt like a discovery. Small tasks felt like challenges—but at the same time, you felt like a champion ALL THE TIME for accomplishing even the smallest thing.
Because it was all new.
You were surrounded by all things foreign and that kept you on your toes, your eyes open wide. You took nothing for granted.
But do you know what is easy to take for granted? The huge gap of time and experience that marks the place where you started and the place where you find yourself now. Your experiences are so unique, even if you’ve forgotten. Your stories make people lean in even if you think they might sound tedious and predictable.
Where you are today –well, that’s a wonderful thing and you’ve worked hard to get here. That holds true even if what you’re doing feels like it’s still a learning experience.
The most interesting and important thing about where you are today–everything that has led you to this moment– is how you got here. Your journey is an interesting one, your missteps are lessons to be shared, your hard fought and hard won accomplishments are inspirations.
Stop shaking your head—I’m right.
There’s so much more to be learned from your trek up the mountain than your actions on the summit. The ascent is the story—not necessarily where you plant your flag.
Don’t keep your light under a bushel.
If you like this post, you might also like Daring Acts—How To Work Without A Net.
Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!
by Jill MacGregor
They say it’s all about the journey. The sometimes maddening, confusing, frightening, interesting journey that moves you from Point A to Point B in your life.
I hope you’re wearing comfortable shoes.
Just some thoughts as you make your way.
Avoid the comparisons
One of the toughest parts of your journey may be seeing others pull ahead of you. It happens. Instead of making it a negative– as in I’m behind and not keeping up, look at it from a different angle. What can you learn from the forward motion the other person has made? What can you replicate in your own life that may help you? Instead of considering this person competition, maybe what you’ve really done is identify a person who can help you along the way.
Find resources along the way
Speaking of resources, your journey is about new things and you will need some new tools. Things, people, information will be falling onto your path as you travel. Are you going to step over the mound of potential helpfulness because you’ve got places to go or are you going to spend time learning all you can? Take the time you need to absorb what these new resources offer. If you do, you’ll be more prepared as you travel.
Consider your original map as more of a suggestion
Because…really? I know you think you’ve got it all worked out…See, I’ll show you, you say. Look, the most efficient way to get from here to here is this straight line, you tell me as you vigorously point, point, point to your map. Easy, cobra. Great idea, in theory, but chances are, life may have a different route for you full of detours, possible road closures and unexpected pee pee breaks. The world is full of surprises and what you may consider deterrents or possibly setbacks are more accurately described as course corrections that will reveal all in due time.
You will always be fraught with forward motion whether you can sense it or not.
Gauge your progress on how far you’ve come—–not how far you have to go
We are an impatient people tapping our toe while we multi task Scrabble and texting on our iPhones, managing our processes and ordering a triple venti latte. STUFF TO DO! Things never seem to happen fast enough for us.
That’s really what it’s all about. Things rarely happen at the speed we wish—which would involve us cracking a few G’s, our faces pushed back from the pressure, a barf bag in our hand.
Unpleasant.
Throw a look over your shoulder once in a while and take a look at how much ground you’ve already covered. I understand that may not be exactly where you want to be at this moment but LOOK! You have some serious momentum here! Alright, enough of that. Now, eyes forward. No resting on laurels. That was just designed to give you a little boost as you bootstrap it and keep on.
By the way, great job.
And building that bridge? I think the bridge already exists. Perhaps your job is to put one foot in front of the other without looking down, without running back from whence you came or without jumping over the side.
You’re almost there. I wonder what you’ll discover today…
Like this post? You may also like:
The Difference Between Attempting and Succeeding
Making Your When Happen Now
When Life Asks More of You Than It Has Before
The Search
Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!
by Jill MacGregor
Newness. Walking into a cold room. Change. Proving yourself to new people. These things will never go away. How do you boost your self confidence in new situations when you may not know the lay of the land or the people that inhabit it? How to you convince yourself that you are comfortable, at ease and happy to be wading waist deep in these unknown waters?
Whenever my mom dropped me off at a new school for the first time, she would offer me this advice—Look people in the eye and smile pretty.
This may have to be adapted if you’re a guy. Sorry, I don’t know what she’d tell my brothers.
Bunko, con, flim flam, gaffle, grift, hustle, scam, scheme, swindle, bamboozle—oh yea, that’s what I’m talking.
There’s one person we have to fool. And it’s you.
Here we go. I’m sorry but the reason we have to fool you is because you won’t listen to reason. Look, I could remind you that you are capable, equipped to deal with all new situations. You with your scared bunny face. We obviously have to take a different route with you.
We’re going to have to pull a short con on you.
No need to whip out the big tricks—this doesn’t require the energies of a hardcore long con. This is the short con—and you will play all roles—you are the grifter and the mark. (It’s your own fault) Let the manipulation begin!
I have to say, I’ve seen your work and I’m impressed. It’s amazing–the long and short cons you’ve pulled. I am amazed by all you’ve convinced your poor mark to believe. I’m sure of your skill, seeing some of the cleverness — famous hustles like: “Now They Know I’m an Imposter”, “All My Success Has Been an Accident” and “I Peaked Early…It’s Downhill From Here”. It always amazes me what your mark will buy even though in their gut they know they are being sold a bill of goods and that the con flies in the face of logic.
The mark of a good con is playing your role consistently and with conviction. Here are some famous short cons for making your mark feel like they are on top of it and they can accomplish anything in any new situation.
Con #1
Convince the mark to act the way they want to feel. This is a great way to ingratiate yourself with the mark and get them to believe that you can help them in their new situation. And, it always works! Persuade the mark to create in their mind how they would ideally like to feel/be/be seen in their new situation. Get them to identify 3 descriptions—maybe it would be: to feel talented, self confident and comfortable in this new situation. Convince the mark to begin acting as if they were talented, self confident and comfortable—the opposite of how they actually feel. They will fight you. It will sound too simple.
Remind them that they can trust you and to just give it a try. Tell them to act confidently. Act comfortable. Act as if they understand they are talented. Convince the mark that once they start acting this way—even if it feels like a lie–people will begin responding to them in like and they will in turn pick up on that—and the circle is complete. Mirrors facing mirrors, reflecting infinitely.
Con #2
Posing as a wealthy Nigerian businessman, remind the mark of what their best friend would tell them at that moment of starting something new. This scam is known as the Best Friend Pep Talk. You will be playing on the fact that the mark knows their best friend so well that, even when absent, they know what their best friend would tell them—this seems to be a voice that is always present in the mark’s head. If your mark is playing it hard, you may have to bring in said shill and actually get the best friend on the phone. Best part of this con: The Best Friend Pep Talk works whether you’ve got the best friend on the line or not.
Con #3
Convince the mark that items of clothing hold special powers, making difficult situations easier. That these powers are then attributed to the wearer—otherwise known as the Dress the Part con. Share your “special secrets” surrounding the power of wearing your favorite color or sharpest outfit. Push the fact that lucky underwear is not a myth. Let them in on the strength of a new lipstick.
Con #4
Tell the mark you are a Chinese art student and con them into creating an exterior of confidence as they enter the new and possibly uncomfortable situation, even if it feels like a flimsy façade to them, ie: tell them to make strong eye contact, use their friendly voice and try smiling. Tell the mark that you’ve heard and even seen for yourself that people respond positively to these actions. The important thing is to convince the mark that what they put out is reflected back and that we are all mirrors of those around us.
Works great in combination with Con #1, Act the Way You Want to Feel.
Con #5
Feed the mark information surrounding the sometimes frightening nature of new situations. Pepper your con with the It’s Normal to feel Nervous and Every New Situation is a Challenge/Lesson scams –gain their confidence through understanding. Remind the mark that they rock for showing up and for doing everything they did to get them to this point. Don’t worry about sounding corny. Your mark is vulnerable. They want to believe. Think of it as a kindness.
The beauty? These cons work powerfully together—mix and match—and craft the perfect short con for making that mark feel like they can conquer the world.
It will be easier than you think. I know a clean mark when I see one.
Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!
by Jill MacGregor
I glanced through Facebook this morning and it appears that all of my friends are curing cancer, building monuments and teaching children to read. Oh.
And that doesn’t make me feel so good…about me.
By the way, what is that smell? Oh, its me…doing nothing right.
It stinks.
I don’t think this post is about feeling good and solving problems. *spoiler alert* it really is! This is about feeling unsure and giving that feeling all the permission required to hog tie you to the moment when you can do nothing right, you can forge no new paths, every word out of your mouth is trite and you are doing nothing important with your life.
I think I might put all my ugly on the table so that we can poke at it a bit.
But *yea* for my friends and all of their accomplishments. *balloon as all of its air escapes, making a pathetic squeaky noise…*
Being Afraid of the Dark
New projects represent uncharted territory, forcing us to speak in languages in which we are not fluent and planting the possibility in our heads that we may be embarrassed. The thing we always seem to forget is that all eyes are not upon us. You are finding yourself in this new situation for a reason—you are meant to be here and you are meant to learn. You might as well embrace it.
And…I hate to be the one to say it but..control freak much? Relax. Things will be revealed—think about that for a minute. You’re going to get it—you always have in the past. Do you really think your cognitive powers are suddenly going to fail right when you need them most? Please get real. If you were watching someone else react this way you would laugh at them.
I have a few friends who are deathly afraid of bees—I bet we all do. They can see a bee 8 feet away and they begin their bee dance—arms flailing over their heads, heads shaking wildly as if the bee is somehow in their hair and brought its friends, and—my favorite part, the running in place, spinning in a circle.
She’s a maniac, maaaaniac on the floor…
Picture that in your head.
The bee is nowhere near them. I know they feel they can’t help it—but this is what happens to us when fear takes over. We create danger where there is none, we begin defending our self when there is no enemy and people looking on probably wonder “What the hell is happening with crazy pants over there?”.
But I can’t!!!
Let me give you a personal example—something that has me doing my own emotional “bee dance”. A lot of my tied up in knot-ness revolves around writing. In this particular example, I’m afraid that I’m about to set back civil rights by about 60 years with this article I’m trying to write—and set civil rights back not because I want to but because I’m wandering in the woods on this one—I’ve never written an article like this before…but what’s a post, you say…oh shut up, I say…that I’m sure I’ll say all the wrong things and miss all the important points, causing ever reader to mentally turn off and stop reading about people and things that are so extremely important—events that are so important that they continue to resonate like an enormous bell that will never stop ringing.
This fear has become a giant pile of boulders—boulders of hesitation and doubt– that I am trying to climb over but not making much progress, because they are also greased. This fear is keeping me from writing the article. I have everything I need to write: thorough research, interviews, great quotes. I want to do it—it was my idea. Claw, claw, slide down greasy rocks.
Fear will test how much you love something.
Practice Active Listening…With Yourself
One of the things that helped me get over my foot stamping *I can’t* tantrum was to take a step outside of what I was feeling. Pretend…pretend…pretend…and try looking at these problems as if they belong to someone else. Take a side step away from your personal circle of confusion and imagine someone else is wrassling with your demons. What advice would you offer a friend who is going through this kind of fun? Sometimes that voice is more rational.
It might sound more like this:
Why don’t you take that energy and bootstrap it for a minute. If you can accidently bring down the civil rights movement with one article, imagine what you could do if you harnessed your powers for good. No one said doing something for the first time was going to be easy. Let the respect you have for these actions you’re describing come through in your writing. Just try. So what if it’s hard. Why should that even matter in the scheme of things. Just keep moving forward. And shut up, you big baby. Geez.
It usually falls apart at the end like that and I resort to name calling. Since this voice can still be biting, I really have to bring in the big guns. I imagine what my friend Melissa would tell me. She’s always tough but fair. Of course, I could just call her but I am a believer in self soothing whenever possible.
Here’s what she’d tell me:
Are you kidding me? You’re not looking at all these things you are doing—while you are sitting around not curing cancer. I think you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. You’re investigating new things with your writing. Look, you’re building something. Building is hard work. But you do it for a reason and the reason is you love to write. You are not doing nothing. You’re just having a tough day. shutupyoubigbabygeez. Oops, that last part was me again…
Everyone You’ve Ever Met Is Not Peering Over Your Shoulder
When I do something new, I feel self conscious. When I write something that feels very personal—which is bound to make feel like I am wearing a very itchy sweater on a hot day—I have a large group of unseen people reading over my shoulder. Their voices and opinions interfere and I’m just now learning how to banish them. They become my unwelcome editors—although I’m the one who issued their unwitting invitation.
Irony.
The voice you hear is yours. This whip, well, that belongs to you, too. Boulder greaser? Yep.
Decide to approach it differently. All of those monkeys that escaped…you’re smarter than they are.
I would love to hear your thoughts—do leave a comment!
by Jill MacGregor
“…and you know how God watches out for children and fools,” the woman said as if there was nothing truer, no action more perfect or expected than that one.
“Uh huh,” said her friend firmly confirming the sentiment.
It was law. But the first time I’d heard it.
I waited for, “Can I get an ‘Amen!’?” but it did not come. Geez, I thought. What about the rest of us?
by Jill MacGregor
Today you are you, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is youer than you.
Dr. Suess
I have never lost the understanding I had as a 2 year old little girl that mommy and daddy would always love me no matter what…I carry it with me, whether I’m aware of it or not. It grants me freedoms, real or imagined, as I walk into new situations and meet new people. I realize that I’m lucky in that regard because not everyone has had that level of acceptance from the people who matter most—I recognize that. And there have been many times when I have pushed its limits. If I wasn’t breaking the rules I somehow had the look about me that I was. Perhaps this is always the fate of the eldest child…
We all have people in our lives who have given us the permission to be ourselves. And I now talking about those people outside of our families—people who have no predetermined investment in each of us becoming the best version of ourselves. Why do some people make more of an impact than others?
I say *bless you* when strangers sneeze. Just under my breath. I might interrupt myself if I’m talking.
I’m compelled to tuck in people’s collar tags when they’re poking out—whether I know them or not.
I correct people’s grammar in my head without realizing it. Like right now…I’m probably changing your adjective into an adverb. Just doing my part.
I feel guilty if I don’t give the homeless guy a dollar—even if he’s really drunk.
These aren’t big things. They are very little things that begin to construct the fabric of who I am. Thread by thread, these behaviors weave together picking up thicker, stronger threads more significant colors as they go, to create a recognizable pattern, solid edges that won’t fray. The little things (and some of the big things) that I do were not taught to me by my family but they are remnants of my interactions with people throughout the years–the teachers that noticed, the friends that modeled behavior for me to follow…or to avoid. All those ripples that hit my shore–they made a difference– regardless if the one throwing the rock from shore ever witnessed it or not.
Those people exist for each of us. They had a hand making us who we’ve become through their influence, their kindness, their interest in us. Sometimes our contact with these people felt random and is short lived—but that doesn’t lessen the impact they may have in our lives. Other times, their influence can be far more deliberate and meaningful, lasting for decades.
How did these people mind map me into the unusual piece of science fiction that I am today? When we think of the influential people in our lives, do we have similar themes?
The teacher who thought you were special.
The first person who shared with you the ingredients of friendship and changed every friendship you had from that point on.
The first asshole who didn’t believe in you and taught you to love the sound of, “Watch me.”
The stranger who asked illuminating questions that got you thinking about things in a new way…and then promptly vanished.
The first bully—because he taught you that bullies are just cowards with clenched fists and people are much easier to handle once you understand that they are afraid.
The first person who taught you to value the beauty of simplicity and affected your appreciation of the quiet little things and the importance they carry.
These influencers probably had no idea of how they would change us. They might even be shocked to hear that they could affect that kind of change. You would shake your head in disbelief that they could miss such an important component of who they are. It’s amazing that they could miss that.
Just like you might do if someone delivered the message to you, of how your actions, your words, your example has changed their life. Think about it. Every day. You can be a powerful tool or a dangerous weapon—and you get to pick.
Want More? Take a look at these posts:
What Makes People Mean
Saying the Words
I would love to hear your thoughts—do leave a comment!
by Jill MacGregor
“Tell me what you want.”
How often does someone ask you this? I bet it’s not very frequently. More importantly, how often do you ask yourself?
“Tell me what you want.”
I was going to call this post “What I Learned Rebooking My Airline Ticket After Breaking My Wrist” but “Splitting the Atom” seemed more concise. When I broke my wrist, it forced me to miss an important flight home to visit family. I would love to tell you I broke it doing something heroic or physically challenging but it was simply a misstep. I tripped on the stairs and just ended up all wrong on my tiny little wrist.
I am of the school that all things happen for a reason, so here’s a little story of knowledge gained.
Take this also as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of purchasing a ticket on different carriers. You may already see were this is going. I bought my ticket through hotwire.com—the departure was through Delta and the return was through American. Herein lies the rub… because as I found out, it only takes 4 hours to rebook your ticket if you do it this way. grrr
Stay with me.
So, for 4 hours Delta told me to call America and tell them that they said this…and American told me to just call Delta and tell them that they had said the exact opposite. And this was up through the supervisory level.
I just wanted to get on the same flight the next day and go see my folks without paying an additional $1,000. It didn’t feel like a huge request. But it was.
It got to the point where I was just desperate to get on a plane. I was even settling for a horrible red eye that would allow me tours of the Salt Lake and Dallas airports, sitting in Dallas from 3am-6am, where I would undoubtedly weep like a tired 3 year old who’d missed their nap and cradle my wrist in pain—spending the 1st two days of my vacation in a tired haze.
Are you starting to feel it with me? I was frustrated, had completely lost sight of what I wanted to do because of the endless obstacles and was being further derailed by the pain in my wrist. The goal had gone from *reschedule the flight for the next day * to a desperate *get on a plane, any plane, even if you have to stop in 12 cities along the way–and try not to give up*.
I felt beaten. I thought this was going to be so simple and both sides where convincing me that this was an impossible request.
My final call happened to be with a supervisor who had also been a nurse…I’m quite sure she heard the pain and frustration in my voice in a way that others had not.
She asked me very matter of factly, “What do you want me to do? You have to tell me what you want.”
I hesitated. I was so fried. I’d spent hours telling people what I wanted and I started to feel like…I don’t’ know…like I didn’t deserve it or it was just too big of an ask.
I hesitated. “I just want to get home. But not on a red eye.”
“You have to tell me what you want exactly. I can’t get it for you unless you tell me what you want.”
Where do I start? Never to have tripped up the stairs and broken my wrist. To be sitting in Dallas and waiting for my connection with a cocktail in my hand. To have my 4 wasted hours back.
“You have to tell me what you want,” she repeated patiently.
Not what I need. Not what I deserve. What I WANT.
Perhaps the pain had made me a little wonky, because I suddenly felt like I was in a much bigger conversation and that the question was coming from a much larger source.
”I want to leave tomorrow on the same flight,” I said. And she made it happen. I felt strangely mad with power. I asked, I got.
Tell me what you want.
It’s easy to leave the specifics to chance…to see how randomness might fill in the blanks…implying that maybe you wouldn’t do such a great job at answering that all important question—Tell me what you want. Sometimes we feel a little beaten by circumstances, making us feel like we don’t deserve what we so dearly want. We get a little vague on our responses. The more we firm up exactly what we want—without shyness, without establishing unnecessary criteria like *do I deserve It?*, the clearer our paths become.
Think of yourself as an athlete who has trained your entire life to be where you are today. All of your hopes need to be firmly locked in the starting position with a clear vision of the race that is to be run before the gun ever sounds.
Everything you’ve done has prepared you for this moment—you are built to win. Part of your training is to see yourself winning—before the competition has even begun. See yourself being the strongest, hitting the milestones, feeling what that feels like to grab your prize.
You have to tell me what it is you want.
I would like an interesting job that pays well and lets me master new & exciting skills.
Tell me what you want.
I would like build an ever growing tribe through my writing.
Tell me what you want.
I would like to be surrounded by fascinating people who mentor me.
Tell me what you want.
Your turn.
If you liked this post, you might also like
How To Change The World
What if Santa Brought You What You Asked For?
Making Your When Happen Now
In Your Heart, Are You A Champion?
Leave me a comment–I’d love to know your thoughts!
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